ED KRESSY-AUTHOR “MY ADDICTION & RECOVERY”

Faith. Love. Acceptance.

3 little words that define our human existence. As we evolve and grow so does our need to feel wanted, secure, and the freedom to be authentically ourselves without judgement. As humans we attach ourselves to things or people that can evoke these feelings. Now, I work with myself to be truly non-judgmental and keep an open mind. That was tested with Ed. I didn’t know what to expect. At first my initial reaction was immense prejudice and bias for a man who simply was born into his privilege. I don’t mean the monetary privilege, I mean the privilege that has caused our nation to be so divided since the Civil War. 

I instantly felt guilty because how ignorant to judge anyone without understanding. 

I can honestly say this was my hardest interview because Ed Kressy was honest, introspective and shattered my ignorant notions and left me speechless. By speechless I mean teared up with his answers. Ed is truly a remarkable and accountable human that shows Faith, Love, and Acceptance is a constant journey that no matter the turns is always unwaveringly. Please enjoy this interview! 

Hi Ed, how are you...Happy 2021...Hi Adylia, Happy New Year to you! Let me start off by saying , because I know often texts don't always convey the tone of a message...I just want to say that the second question’s intent was not to be harsh, or rude. But to touch upon and reflect the tone that society is facing. I want to touch upon it without really saying it in a negative way. Your story, courage, is amazing and I do want that positive message to be conveyed. Hahahahaha, no but thank you. It did not come across like that at all. Your questions definitely came across as insightful, and thoughtful, and they really got me to thinking - so thank you. Oh good, thank you.

 How would you introduce yourself to people who are unaware of you.

I am almost certainly the only person ever who was once arrested by the FBI, then recognized with a community service award by the FBI Director. Ahahaha full circle...Yeah, as a person who spent two decades addicted to drugs, my poor choices cost me my family relationships, my career, home, life savings, and even my beloved dog. I hurt those around me more than I hurt myself. 

Then after I quit drugs in 2007 I battled severe mental health challenges. Thanks to God, second chances, and some amazing people I achieved my childhood dream of becoming a writer. People are hopefully inspired by my writing, and my speaking to overcome their own obstacles, and achieve their own dreams. I like that. I will say everyone talks about reinventing themselves, and it is hard sometimes if you are around the same people, or triggers (and not just addiction); whatever you think that you need to change - it can be very challenging. It can be something so small as positive thinking - it is amazing. 

So here is the tough question that I was referring to in the beginning...hahahaha..- but I am going to say it better than I wrote it (initially to you). So from your picture - you look like a very unassuming, and engaging - white man. You would never think you were arrested by the FBI. And I am ethnic, I am ignorant as well...and when you say FBI, and drugs you automatically think of a Latino, or someone a little more brown in color than you. The ignorance stems from that we are conditioned. So I was truly, truly shocked - so my question is...your appearance is classic Americano. A very astute white man, and because of that people assume that you would not have a problem with a drug addiction. Or, if they did suspect something, they made allowances - ‘oh Ed’s just tired today, or we know he knows it’. So people allowed you to continue and they did not nip it in the bud, do you think that is what caused everything to kind of explode in essence. Well, it definitely contributed. It is a great question, it is very insightful and you really got me to thinking. I am sure others made assumptions about me. I definitely assumed things about myself, so the fact is I am a privileged white male.

My belief is society gave me many unfair advantages because of the color of my skin, and my privileged socio-economic background. As a result...yes, I use to think I was better than other people. And to my deep, and utter shame I use to harbor implicit, and explicit biases.

Confronting these biases was a major part of my recovery, and still is. Uummm... you got me thinking - I remember one night I came too on the floor of a padded cell. The police had stripped me naked, and locked me up. And as well they should have, because I broke into my relatives home to steal money for methamphetamine, and disrespected the cop that was trying to help me.

I was a danger to myself and others. That situation and many others like it have turned out to be a blessing. When all of these unfair advantages that society gave me were gone, when I had thrown them away; I began to deeply examine how my own selfishness harmed me, and those around me. That is when I started to search for God, and personal redemption. So those searches turned out to be good decisions. They led me to this point today where I am the best family member that I have ever been, and I live a life of service to others. I am still very far from perfect. Well, who is not. 

I have learned, however, to turn the unfair advantages society gave me - as a privileged white male - to benefit community, and society. So I guess the point is, as best we can try not to assume things about others - good, or bad. I like that, and it takes a lot of guts to even admit your biases, or anything like that. So kudos for even saying that, because I do not believe I would have admitted it. Ahahaha...hahahaha.  I would have said ‘ it is what it is’...but seriously, thank you. I had a lot of help, so that is honestly the reason why.

If you could tell someone one thing to empower them, what would it be. Another excellent question - there is a quote attributed to the Buddha...’it is better to conquer oneself than to win a thousand battles’. There is a similar story about the Prophet Muhammad - how he once admonished Muslim soldiers returning home from a terrible battle. Muhammad told them that the war they fought was really only the small Jihad. Muhammad pointed to his own heart, and said that is where the struggle really is. That is where the big Jihad really is.

Even today when you look up the meaning of the word Jihad, you find it means something beautiful. It means a striving, doing one’s utmost to do good, avoid doing evil, and to make oneself a better person. So for me our greatest modern day leaders are people like - Martin L. King, Jr, who we are going to honor on Monday, January the eighteenth. Nelson Mandela; Gandhi; and the Dalai Lama. Their principles were similar, conquering hatred of our enemies to instead practice love and forgiveness. So I found that if you want to empower yourself, first conquer what is within you - Fear, Hatred, and Anger. Win the war in your own heart.

 Jumping off from that, what is your opinion about social media, and what often times evokes similar thoughts and feelings of ...’oh, am I good enough’. And this can lead to so many other issues of coping mechanisms. Since social media is a necessary evil, it can exacerbate those feelings of less than. So do you think the same tools that helped you to overcome your challenge with addiction, can also help someone handle the issues of my generation - where the addiction is social media. And that addiction causes just an empty pit of worthlessness. Good question - and more so because the issue of addiction is so complex. When it comes to drugs, social media, gambling, food, or any other addictive behaviors - to me the most important thing for me to remember, is that the drug, social media, or food is not our problem. 

Those things are our attempt at a solution. So when we are using drugs, social media, or food as an attempt at a solution, that is when we may want to step back and say ‘ I may be using these things addictively’. When it comes to social media, the way I like to look at it is...we always have a choice. Maybe, not how social media makes us feel but how we respond.

We can respond in an encouraging and supportive way, or in a passionate way. As well, we can choose not to respond at all to someone that conjures up negative feelings in us. The true empowerment comes at the choice that we have, in how to respond. That is how we can turn something like social media, an addictive behavior into something that we use as a solution to our problems. And also into something that empowers us, and that we can use to benefit others. Thank you.

What was the moment you realized your purpose was to inspire, guide, and to help others. Those are very kind words, and hopefully my words do those things. Being of service to others I found gives us a personal freedom. The moment ironically I began to find my own freedom was when I was in jail. I remember I was sitting at this jail house table...it was this big steel table, and bolted to the jail house floor. It was a table as solid as a bow of a ship. I was sitting there, and I remember I took out my notebook and pen; and I picked up my path of becoming a writer. That day I drafted a letter to the Secret Service telling them how I thought I had inadvertently befriended a 9-11 terrorist. 

Ohhh, ahahaha... hahaaha, yeah you can kind of see where my mind was at. I was in jail, but I was still coming off of the Meth, the psychosis, and addiction that I was in. It is a long story with many twists and turns. Basically, that day in jail I began to find my freedom when I began to face my deepest fears. Putting my trust in God, God that I before did not believe in. 

I began to start to undo so much of the damage that I caused to myself, and those closest to me. So, if we are going to follow a Path like that - a Path of facing our Fears, putting our Trust in God, a Path of undoing damage we caused. If we are going to follow that Path(s) it really helps when we do it in service to others.

Service to others represents our best hope for ourselves often times. Addiction is something the majority of people have dealt with either directly or indirectly. Do you think genuine Love without judgment of a person is the best way to help someone dealing with addiction. Because someone legal, and of age can not be forced to get help. So do you unconditionally love, and support - is that the best way to combat it. 

You know when I read that question of yours, I was like you need to be the one being interviewed. Ahahaha, oh no... Nooo, it is such a beautiful way to phrase that, it is a beautiful sentiment. And I do not know if I can top it. I would say absolute genuine love without judgment is probably one of the best ways to help anyone, and especially ourselves.

Another way to help someone who you love, who may be struggling with addiction is to remember the best way to help someone is to first help ourselves. Think of them as being a drowning person. Imagine someone drowning - they are desperate, thrashing, and gasping for air. You do not want to leap into the water to try to help a drowning person, because you are likely to get pulled under too. Hhmmm ok. 

You want to have your feet firmly on solid ground, you want to throw the drowning person a life line. And encourage the person to grab on, and pull them to safety. The analogy is when it comes to helping an addicted person, make sure you are on solid ground in your own life. Be certain you are solving your own problems, and improving your own situation (life).

When the addicted person sees that you can handle your own life challenges, then they are more likely to take your advice. To grasp onto that lifeline that you throw, what that lifeline can be - it can be a twelve step program, it can be a Faith based recovery, or medical intervention. There are a number of excellent solutions. But first before you help someone else be on firm footing in your own life. Perfect.

How do you handle the stresses of life. I handle the stresses with the 3 C’s - caffeine, chocolate, and ice cream. Ahahaha. Yes, hahahaha. Now that is true, but seriously also the effective was to handle stress is definitely Faith in God, how the Faith manifests itself is daily practices; and the daily practices from that firm foundation to withstand the inevitable storms of stress, stigmatization, and self doubt. For me daily practices include - meditation, fasting, and prayer.

Most recently, since November I have been doing a daily dip in a river. So I live in Massachusetts...Oh my gosh, it is cold. Oooohhh yeah, it is a wake-up call. Yes, there is no shortage of cold in that river. Ahahahah. The health benefits are remarkable, I truly believe 2020 was the year that I said goodbye to depression, and anxiety that has dogged me since I even quit Meth - which was in 2007. I stress again Faith in God, and daily practices.

For people that try, and they fall...from whatever religious text they follow, and they have a bad day. They go back to that bad habit, or the thought of that bad habit overcomes them. Then they are like Faith does not work, or they got a bad call - and then they say “If God was real why did he let this happen”? I have heard it, a lot of people say I have done the right things, I have prayed, and if God was really real how could this happen. How would you combat this...what would you say to that, or say it to someone. Hahaha...that is a wonderful question, and I have said that - I have asked that very question. ‘God why won’t you move this depression from me?’. ‘God , I could be of much better service if you could move this anxiety’. Yes, that is a question that I put to myself and God all the time.

One of the best answers I have found is in the story of the Butterfly and The Cocoon. There is a hiker going through the woods, and she happens upon a butterfly that is emerging from a cocoon. The Butterfly is struggling, it is trying to fight its way out of this tight restrictive cocoon.  The hiker pulls out a little knife. She is going to cut the cocoon to try and help the Butterfly. Now the hiker has all of the positive, and best intentions in the world, but what she is really going to do is to harm the Butterfly. Because it is the struggle of trying to free itself from the cocoon that is giving the Butterfly’s wings its strength. 

The analogy is that we as human beings are much like that Butterfly. We struggle in life, and often we do not understand the purpose and value of a struggle. But ultimately it is that struggle, that fight, that gives our wings their strength (metaphorically). 

Beautiful. What do you want people to take away from your book, and lectures. I would love for people to take away that second chances do benefit those that give them as much as those of us that receive them. That redemption is possible, in the most seemingly  hopeless of circumstances. Never give up Hope. Not for yourself, and not for someone that you love.

I was that person that abused animals, I fueled the sex and narcotics trade. I spent tons of money financing those trades. I devastated my family. Still amazing people showed me the path to God - Service, Family, and a Beautiful Life. Redemption is possible, never give up Hope.

Your volunteer work is amazing. What is the most rewarding aspect of your volunteering. Thank you. The reason for that is that amazing people, and organizations allowed me to be of service. I have worked inside one of California’s most notorious maximum security prisons with incarcerated men; that society has labeled the very worst, and have been convicted of violent crimes. Some of murder, and men affiliated with street gangs. I have also worked closely with cops, FBI Agents, and FBI executives. These are people that represent an institution, law enforcement that is often hated, and feared. I have helped law enforcement better serve communities effected by incarceration, and addiction. 

The most rewarding part is when cops, and those convicted teach me that some of our sisters, and brothers that are incarcerated are some of the most beautiful people. And many men, and women who wear badges are true heroes in their service. Of course, in no way do we condone actions that hurt others. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their loved ones.

I know that human connections solve human problems. Society works best when we look past uniforms, either when they are worn by police, or people in prison. Behind bars, and behind badges beat the hearts of human beings.

The question in my mind is...how hard are we willing to look. Whether you call it reinvention, or second chances... what do you think are the three best attributes to successfully change. We kind of touched upon it earlier with the Faith question. Yes, I always think of the 3 S’s - Spirituality, Service to Others, and Self-Improvement. If whatever we are doing falls within one of those categories I believe we have a good chance to successfully change. 

The last and most fun question! What is your favorite way to take care of yourself and stay balanced. I know you mentioned that - river, yeah no!. Aaahahaha. I cannot imagine that river. I love to wake-up before dawn, brew a nice cup of strong coffee as the sun rises. I sit back, sip my coffee and contemplate God. I think about the people that I love, Focus on Gratitude, and I pray that I can improve myself; and be the greatest service until the next sunrise. Ohhh my gosh that is beautiful. You know Ed you are really, really cool. I did not know how this was going to truly go - but you have knocked my socks off. You are a cool dude. 

Oh! - well, thank you that is so nice. Yes, I did not know what to expect - I was like God just let him be nice; but this was truly insightful, and enjoyable. Awww, thank you and that is high praise. I have read so many of your interviews, and you have met many amazing people - so your words render me very Grateful. It’s been wonderful. Thank you Ed, so very much!