LAST PRACTICE OF 2024

As promised, continuing to bring you along on this journey with me. So I just had my last practice of 2024. To say I’m grateful and excited for 2025 is an understatement. The practice was grueling but I’m so grateful for how far I’ve come since un-retiring. Read on to find out why!

Gosh! it seems like it has been the longest short month of my life!

The Holiday Season seems like a blur! Thanksgiving and Christmas has come and gone with so much preparation and gone so quickly. The one thing that didn’t stop was my training.

I enjoyed and pigged out on all my favorite foods this holiday season but I also trained daily and had my lessons. As I previously mentioned, my goal until my next competition in 2025 is to train and to learn the new rules of Fencing. Let me tell you it’s more than a notion!

I’m giving myself grace to learn all the new rules and timing. I sound like a broken record but all the moves and how I won before are 100% not relevant. It is humbling to say the least and a reminder that everything is constantly evolving and you have to remain open to learning and growing and going with the flow.

My balestra I still need to re-learn because I have lost it 100% ahaha. I jump up instead of forward and lack the coordination I once had; like anything in life if I did it before I can do it again.

It’s not all bad, in fact it’s amazing how much I’ve progressed since September. I was scared to get hit and my form showed it lol. I forgot the fire I once had aka my uber aggression in competition; instead I was passive and waiting. I also learned to genuinely appreciate the sport something I never did before. Most importantly I think is I finally got my Club - SOCALFA Jacket. So I felt officially official.

I’m truly so grateful that I took the leap to un-retire. It’s not easy and it’s grueling but I’m learning to enjoy Fencing and the benefits it’s provided me - like honing my emotions, attacking doesn’t mean anger, and assertiveness is rewarded.

The last practice was by far my most grueling. It was combinations and mock bouts. Now I have said the box and the rules in the box have changed soooo much and that’s what used to scare me the most and I would stand up and kinda close my eyes lol. Now, I’m ready and thinking like I used to - competitive fencer. Of course, I still freak out and there are times when I don’t have the confidence I stand up and am subconsciously passive. The biggest growth is knowing why I do it, when I do it and how it’s becoming less frequent and the reason is because I’m learning, training and studying and with that comes confidence.

I’m proud of myself for taking the time to re-learn. I jumped in with 3 competitions to know what I need to improve on and in my typical working backwards way now I’m fine tuning the mental and technique.

Happy how I ended 2024 with Fencing and I can’t wait to see the growth in 2025. Realistically, if I can get back my B ranking I would be ecstatic because starting over is not only humbling but it’s a reminder of resting on what was doesn’t serve myself or anyone in the present. My goal for 2025 is to get back to my old ranking - B.

Until next time!

TRAINING AFTER NAC

As promised, continuing to bring you along on this journey with me. It's been a month since the October NAC. Since NAC I've been training non-stop. I will say October was the transformative month thus far for me. It was incredibly tough but necessary. Read on to find out why!

Gosh! it seems like it has been the longest short month of my life!

As I previously mentioned in my last article I made the decision to enjoy Fencing this time around while also training to get back to what I was if not better. If you know me you know that I’m very competitive but more importantly when I want something I have immense tunnel vision to achieve it. Now, that comes with its own consequences but I’ll get to that later.

First and foremost the trust and camaraderie you need to have with your Coach is everything and the foundation to your mindset and progress. I must say I’m happy and very relieved that my Coach is not only amazing but also gels with me. The funny thing is I had him as a referee during my Poland World Cup. Now before you get impressed by my memory, I must confess I did NOT remember Coach A. as my referee. To be fair I usually get so focused I kinda blackout and have like an out of body experience. I do remember that before I retired I was very uh passionate and some may say arrogant so to say the way I could be received could’ve gone either way ahahah.

Luckily, our understanding and camaraderie is getting better with each lesson and practice. Now that is not to say it’s not without its challenges. Due to work (I run Yhorlife and my Management firm) during the week I can’t make it to the club due to the day just getting away from me. Even though I can't make it to the club I make sure I train at home. I try to do 2 miles of running along with hand and footwork daily.

As I’ve stated I’m very competitive. In my mind my old rhythm and confidence should’ve started to show itself more by now in my opinion. I was getting frustrated. I thought I just need to train more etc etc. It was more than that I had a mental block I didn’t even realize I knew.

It all came to a head the week before Halloween. I had an incredibly stressful week at work and then the night before my lesson a friend of mine decided to call me and air his grievances about me to me. I’m not going to lie he said some pretty out of left field and down right cruel comments to me. With the underlying grievance being my perceived selfishness. Of course I didn’t sleep at all that night trying to understand what provoked this unprovoked phone call after I’ve already dealt with a stressful week.

I’m human so it got to me but I filed it and thought I could just let out my angst during practice. Well, the Universe had different plans for me. I instead had a slight meltdown. As I stated previously, from October 9th- 24th no matter how hard I was training it wasn’t clicking like I thought it should’ve been . After the 3rd time not getting the most basic combo that I used to be able to glide through with ease I just dropped to the floor and started crying.

Coach A. just let me cry for a few minutes. In that time it was like everything came flooding to me - October NAC, the shit week at work, and the audacity to be treated so ungratefully by someone I’ve always been kind and supportive of. I truly felt I had a sign on my head that said “pick on me.” Then add nothing clicking! I was literally like ‘what the FUCK is happening.’

Coach A. asked me what was wrong. Of course I wasn’t going to say being treated ungratefully or the shit week. Instead I focused on the first layer how I felt that I didn’t have any business unretiring and what a joke I feel like by folks laughing at me etc. Coach A. simply said “It’s okay. It happens. you have to remember to connect and trust - body, mind, hand. You’re not old. Older, yes but not old. It’s different yes but it’s okay. You trust and it will get better.”

Now in the moment he sounded like Gandhi. I don’t know if it was the cry, sharing how I felt or a combination of both but since then I’ve been improving and gliding and grasping combinations much faster. Now of course I still have to work on feeling and gagging. That comes with time.

I can honestly say I’m so happy how training is going as we come to the end of 2024! I’m enjoying myself and really appreciating the sport which I never did before. I’m also re-learning to trust my body. This is crucial in fencing because the combination are what you learn but the grace and beauty of Saber Fencing comes from the fluidity and energy of knowing your opponent. Basically the gracefulness of ballet but with a metal saber.

I know this won’t be my last challenge but I’m so grateful that I had it! It’s important to feel safe and be able to let out your feelings and know you can only grow. As promised I”ll keep you along for the ride.

Until next time!