TRAINING AFTER NAC

As promised, continuing to bring you along on this journey with me. It's been a month since the October NAC. Since NAC I've been training non-stop. I will say October was the transformative month thus far for me. It was incredibly tough but necessary. Read on to find out why!

Gosh! it seems like it has been the longest short month of my life!

As I previously mentioned in my last article I made the decision to enjoy Fencing this time around while also training to get back to what I was if not better. If you know me you know that I’m very competitive but more importantly when I want something I have immense tunnel vision to achieve it. Now, that comes with its own consequences but I’ll get to that later.

First and foremost the trust and camaraderie you need to have with your Coach is everything and the foundation to your mindset and progress. I must say I’m happy and very relieved that my Coach is not only amazing but also gels with me. The funny thing is I had him as a referee during my Poland World Cup. Now before you get impressed by my memory, I must confess I did NOT remember Coach A. as my referee. To be fair I usually get so focused I kinda blackout and have like an out of body experience. I do remember that before I retired I was very uh passionate and some may say arrogant so to say the way I could be received could’ve gone either way ahahah.

Luckily, our understanding and camaraderie is getting better with each lesson and practice. Now that is not to say it’s not without its challenges. Due to work (I run Yhorlife and my Management firm) during the week I can’t make it to the club due to the day just getting away from me. Even though I can't make it to the club I make sure I train at home. I try to do 2 miles of running along with hand and footwork daily.

As I’ve stated I’m very competitive. In my mind my old rhythm and confidence should’ve started to show itself more by now in my opinion. I was getting frustrated. I thought I just need to train more etc etc. It was more than that I had a mental block I didn’t even realize I knew.

It all came to a head the week before Halloween. I had an incredibly stressful week at work and then the night before my lesson a friend of mine decided to call me and air his grievances about me to me. I’m not going to lie he said some pretty out of left field and down right cruel comments to me. With the underlying grievance being my perceived selfishness. Of course I didn’t sleep at all that night trying to understand what provoked this unprovoked phone call after I’ve already dealt with a stressful week.

I’m human so it got to me but I filed it and thought I could just let out my angst during practice. Well, the Universe had different plans for me. I instead had a slight meltdown. As I stated previously, from October 9th- 24th no matter how hard I was training it wasn’t clicking like I thought it should’ve been . After the 3rd time not getting the most basic combo that I used to be able to glide through with ease I just dropped to the floor and started crying.

Coach A. just let me cry for a few minutes. In that time it was like everything came flooding to me - October NAC, the shit week at work, and the audacity to be treated so ungratefully by someone I’ve always been kind and supportive of. I truly felt I had a sign on my head that said “pick on me.” Then add nothing clicking! I was literally like ‘what the FUCK is happening.’

Coach A. asked me what was wrong. Of course I wasn’t going to say being treated ungratefully or the shit week. Instead I focused on the first layer how I felt that I didn’t have any business unretiring and what a joke I feel like by folks laughing at me etc. Coach A. simply said “It’s okay. It happens. you have to remember to connect and trust - body, mind, hand. You’re not old. Older, yes but not old. It’s different yes but it’s okay. You trust and it will get better.”

Now in the moment he sounded like Gandhi. I don’t know if it was the cry, sharing how I felt or a combination of both but since then I’ve been improving and gliding and grasping combinations much faster. Now of course I still have to work on feeling and gagging. That comes with time.

I can honestly say I’m so happy how training is going as we come to the end of 2024! I’m enjoying myself and really appreciating the sport which I never did before. I’m also re-learning to trust my body. This is crucial in fencing because the combination are what you learn but the grace and beauty of Saber Fencing comes from the fluidity and energy of knowing your opponent. Basically the gracefulness of ballet but with a metal saber.

I know this won’t be my last challenge but I’m so grateful that I had it! It’s important to feel safe and be able to let out your feelings and know you can only grow. As promised I”ll keep you along for the ride.

Until next time!

OCTOBER NAC COMPETITION

EQUIPMENT CHECK DAY

SUPREME- CAP, GUCCI- BOOTS, DUFFEL- VINTAGE YSL MUSE BAG, JENNI KAYNE- SWEATER, ESSENTIALS- TSHIRT, JEWELRY- TAI JEWELRY, GEAR- ABSOLUTE FENCING

I’ve always loved North American Cups! Prior, I would love the travel and the large arena and just the energy that was associated with such a large competition. North American Cups were also where I got recruited for University. Fond memories of this competition.

Now, fast forward to my current more mature self and I look at the NAC competition with gratitude but also no longer with rose tinted glasses. I guess before it was youthful ignorance and I was truly in my own little world back. I try to be more observant now and aware of my surroundings. This competition I wish I had stayed in my little bubble world.

Equipment Check which I always try to do the day before probably should’ve been my foreshadowing clue of the competition would go. I was very fortunate to get the Convention Center Hotel 2 days before the competition! I thought that was a great omen. On the day of my check (which was a competing day) I was met with such glares and utter disdain. I’m not one for noticing but all those people acting like I’m an alien I did start rethinking using my YSL Muse Bag as my equipment duffel.

I pushed the glares aside and took in the electric energy of the convention center and waited in line. I was happy all my equipment passed and I got the nicest guy to check my equipment. I focused on that and walked back to my hotel. Now I felt good and was in my bubble and packed up for the next morning to compete.

I woke up nervous but ready for the competition. I put my favorite Shishiedo Blue Kajal eyeliner on used my Patrick Starr Secure the Sweat and felt good. I stretched and warmed up in my hotel room which I prefer so I don’t have to worry about finding someone to warm up with or be mean mugged earlier than necessary.

Pools! In BladeRunner I won a bout and got points every bout. I expected the same outcome but better since my confidence of regaining my old form was better than at BladeRunner. Now to say I got screwed in Pools would be an understatement. The referee I had would ONLY be fair and call the point mine while apologizing to my opponent is if I got one light. I would peree and he would call it “attack in preparation.” My old self would have thrown a fit or probably started crying at the unfairness for no reason this referee had on me. I’m older so I took it and analyzed and I said I don’t agree with your calls but ultimately nothing you can do.

One bout he refused to give me any point I lost 0-5! No matter that I blocked and then hit or if I attacked my opponent and almost pushed them off the strip he would still call it against me.

DE in almost a cruel joke I met the opponent again I lost in pools 0-5. Now in fencing you can guess that if you performed that way in pools after 20 minutes you will not do any better. If your lucky you will get 1 point and loose 1-15.

I had been talking to my brother during Pools and telling him about the messed up Ref. He simply said “too much power & they like who they like.” Blunt and to the point lol. When I found out I was fencing the girl I had lost to 0-5 in pools he said “Ok. just pray you don’t have the same referee and fence how you do and it’ll be okay.”

Now, I did not win my DE sadly and it was the preparation and attacking that killed me. My last article I had mentioned that my lack of confidence with it was my downfall. This time I would say it wasn’t my lack of confidence but dealing with the heckling of the Johns Hopkins coaches. It was such a shock to my system that besides full grown men glaring and laughing at me and stating “this would be such and easy bout” (based on the biased results in pools). It was the fact that other Des coaches are supposed to be quiet and only talk to their student. They are not supposed to heckle or say rude remarks but clearly it was just my lucky day. After my opponent got the first 3 touches and all the clapping and pointing and laughing. I thought to myself “I used to be the best so screw it. Let me fence how I fenced before and If I get attack in preparation so be it but I know I will shut these folks up.”

That’s what I did. My anger and not being able to tell the Johns Hopkins coaches brought me back to how I used to fence. I charged my opponent and made it so there was no question or doubt - 1 lights. After I got the 5th point her coaches shut up and gave the respect that they should’ve started off the bout with. She was ahead at the break and the referee (different than pools) told me my “attack in preparations” are why he didn’t call the last 3 attacks on me.

Okay, I figured that. The point I was most proud of was when I blocked her hit and hit her (like in pools) but the difference I got 1 light. I don’t know if it was sheer relief but somehow I fell AFTER I got the point but not in a scary way to hurt my knees. I literally fell to my knees like in a prayer pose and then just bounced back up ahahha. I lost the bout 9-15 but I can say I garnered the respect of those mean coaches. One of them came over and said “really good bout.” I shook his hand but couldn’t muster words to to say anything but nodded.

Even losing I’m very proud of how it went! I got 2 points higher than BladeRunner and initially it looked like the girl was going to smoke me! She won in pools and I got 0. I breathed and I got these points based on me. I didn’t have a coach nor did the coach from my club ever come over to see how I was doing. They were points I got aggressively and relied on my parrys. I thank my brother for calming me and my mom for forcing me to stay strong and not just break down crying at how mean and unnecessarily cruel to me.

I don’t like losing but maturity has taught me to take all the wins and be grateful and learn.



Even though I lost I feel like I won. I know I can. I can win and I can get back to what I was but improve because things change as we do hopefully. I now will prepare for the Grand Prix in Korea and World Cup in Peru in 2025

Until next time!

BLADERUNNER COMPETITION

BladeRunner. In my opinion it’s the most defining competition. Not in terms of if you place (of course that’s great) but in terms if it’s worth continuing and if you have what it takes to continue.

That being said let me rewind. BladeRunner was exactly 2 weeks after my first competition back from coming out of retirement. Now, that’s not a lot of time to train and to make matters worse I was on the waitlist until 5 days before!

I focused like I was going to be competing so I found a club!

SOCALFA! It was my buddy who I call my ‘fairy fencing godmother’ because it’s her club and she invited me and I jumped! Everyone has been very kind and welcoming which is the most important in choosing a club. It’s that unexplainable energy that you just feel comfortable.

I took my first private lesson. I almost passed out because it was so good but tough. I was proud I was able to do the entire lesson and I remembered how to parry. The new rules of preparation is 100% going to be my biggest hurdle because my brain hasn’t understood it yet and my hand isn’t confident yet. It will come with practice.

My goal for BladeRunner was to be able to clip myself without issue, win a bout, get touches in every bout and win a DE or at least higher than Ontario. Now it sounds crazy because less than 2 weeks is not enough time to improve that much but I’ve never been one to think within reason lol.

The competition happened so fast I didn’t even have a chance to meet all the coaches at the club. I met 2 of them at the competition and they were very kind but also strict. Which is great because I can naturally be flighty and I need the focus lol.

I can ecstatically say I was able to clip in with ease! That instantly gave me confidence. I got points in every bout and I actually won a bout! That told me I can do it and with more training and practice and get back to what I have accomplished before; it’s not to outlandish to think.

I did not win my DE sadly and it was the preparation and attacking that killed me. The lack of confidence with it was my downfall and that’s a hard pill to swallow because my attacks used to be what let me win my bouts before and now it’s the cause of me losing. It’s even harder because I logically understand but my hand and feet and brain couldn’t work together.

Even losing I’m very proud of how it went! I got 2 points higher than Ontario and initially it looked like the girl was going to smoke me! She had 8 points and I had 0. I breathed and watched my coaches’ hand motions and tried to replicate as best I could. I went from her coaches laughing at me because it was an “easy bout” to getting 7 consecutive points. They were points I got defensively and relied on my parrys.

I don’t like losing but maturity has taught me to take all the wins and be grateful and learn.



Even though I lost I feel like I won. I know I can. I can win and I can get back to what I was but improve because things change as we do hopefully.

Until next time!